Couples Therapy
Online Therapy in Los Angeles and Throughout California
Ready to chat? Call or text (747) 206-3947, or schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
Your relationship isn’t broken.
You’re just protecting yourself — and so is your partner.
In my work with couples, I often see this:
Two people who love each other, caught in patterns built for self-preservation.
If you asked them whether they’d choose closeness over conflict, they’d obviously say yes.
They don’t mean to shut down. Or escalate. Or pull away.
It just feels so automatic in the moment.
You don’t just need more tools.
You need a space where your defenses can soften and repair becomes possible.
Therapy can be that space.
If you or your partner tend to shut down, overanalyze, get reactive, or withdraw when emotions run high, it doesn’t mean you’re relationship is beyond repair. What this often signals is that you’re both protecting yourselves in ways that once made sense—but now get in the way of the connection you really want.
When conflict flares, your nervous system shifts into survival mode. You might snap, go quiet, over-explain, or retreat—even when you love each other deeply.
These are a few ways your nervous system might respond when emotional safety feels uncertain—especially with the person you’re closest to.
Avoiding emotional conversations because they never feel like they end well
Getting quiet or agreeable to avoid conflict or keep the peace
Over-explaining or defending your actions to avoid being misunderstood
Feeling triggered, even when you know your partner is trying to connect
Needing control to feel secure — or losing your sense of self in the relationship
These aren’t inherent or unchangeable personal flaws- they are protective patterns — often rooted in your nervous system, early attachment wounds or cultural/family expectations around closeness, emotion, and vulnerability.
Repair begins when both of you can recognize these patterns, slow them down, and create enough safety to respond differently—rather than react automatically.
What Couples Therapy Can Help You Build
If you and your partner keep circling the same fight, are recovering from a rupture, or feel like strangers passing in the night—It doesn’t mean you’re at the end — it means you’re stuck in something that can be worked through. You don’t need to settle for disconnection or resignation. You can find your way back to each other — not by avoiding the hard stuff, but by moving through it together.
Imagine a relationship where...
You feel like a team— Not just when things are easy, but especially when life gets hard and messy.
You can have honest, even hard, conversations— Without fear of disconnection, shutdown, or defensiveness.
You feel emotionally safe— Not because you never argue, but because you know how to repair and return to each other.
You’re valued and respected— Not just for what you do, but for how you show up emotionally and relationally.
You hold each other accountable with love— No scorekeeping, no walking on eggshells—just truth, respect, and care.
You show up in the ways that matter— With consistency, presence, and emotional engagement.
Trust feels steady and earned— You know you can work through challenges—not by avoiding conflict, but by facing it together with honesty and connection.
How Can Couples Therapy Help?
Tools to stay connected, even in conflict
You’ll learn how to de-escalate, repair, and communicate in ways that bring you closer—even when emotions run high.The safety to be honest—and stay honest
You’ll increase your capacity to say what’s real without it turning into a shutdown, explosion, or emotional retreat.A deeper understanding of your patterns—and how to change them
You’ll recognize how past wounds and nervous system responses shape your dynamic, and learn how to shift out of protection and into connection.Rebuilt trust through consistent, meaningful action
You’ll move beyond words to show up for each other in ways that feel safe, steady, and aligned.A renewed sense of partnership
You’ll stop feeling like opponents or strangers and start feeling like a team again—grounded in care, commitment, and mutual respect.
Emotionally focused and depth-oriented couples therapy is about understanding why you keep getting stuck — and creating the safety and courage to show up differently.
Together, we will:
Identify and work through the protective patterns you’ve developed to survive.
Uncover the deeper fears and unmet needs that drive conflict, distance, or resentment.
Interrupt the cycle of blame, defensiveness, and withdrawal - learning how to co-regulate in the moment.
Create emotional safety so that honesty doesn’t lead to collapse, and vulnerability doesn’t require self-abandonment.
Explore how early attachment scars shape the way you show up in conflict.
Name the invisible pressures that come from cultural roles, expectations, and family dynamics — especially when they conflict with your needs or your partner’s.
Unpack the emotional inheritance of things like guilt, silence, loyalty, or perfectionism — and how those play out in your connection (or lack of it).
Shift from reacting out of survival to responding with presence, even when you feel hurt, unseen, or misunderstood.
When both partners feel safe enough to be seen — and strong enough to stay present — connection stops being something you chase. It becomes something you can trust.
Couples who work with me are:
Intellectual and committed individuals who struggle to integrate emotional depth, express needs, manage conflict and boundaries.
Intercultural or bicultural couples navigating generational, familial, or identity-based tensions.
Carrying unprocessed trauma—not always dramatic, but still deeply impacting how they show up with each other.
Caught in patterns of misattunement, power struggles, or emotional shutdowns.
Value a therapist who’s engaged, honest, and grounded. Someone who meets them in the deep, reflective work—without losing sight of the real-world impact.
They appreciate directness that’s respectful, and insight that leads to real change. They’re ready for a process rooted in emotional honesty and grounded in pragmatic accountability.
*This work is not appropriate for couples where there is ongoing physical or emotional abuse, or where one or both partners are actively engaged in unmanaged addiction.
Who This Work Is For
Some couples benefit from weekly therapy over time. Others want to dive in more quickly with extended sessions. I offer both, depending on what feels most supportive for you.
“Intimacy is not something you have, it is something that you do”
— Terry Real